New Zealand Listener
Justin Parfitt reckons, "People don't want to be single. Some say they're happy being single, but no one wants to be single forever. And I think if people do say that, they're not being completely honest." Parfitt may be in a position to know. He runs Fast Impressions, an Australian agency that has embraced the latest phenomenon taking the single-and-looking scene by storm: speed dating.
The rules vary from country to country but the idea is the same. A bunch of complete strangers, single and curious, thrown together for one evening, with champagne provided for conversation lubrication - and a strict time slot in which to impress. Picture a production line, but instead of canned spaghetti, it's seated women and rotating men. A bell rings or a whistle blows to signal times up. Move along. And at the end of your timed rendezvous - anywhere from three to eight minutes depending on the country - put a tick by the name of that person if you are interested in seeing them again. Any matches made can be followed up with an exchange of email addresses and perhaps even a second date lasting longer than five minutes.
The concept of speed dating was created by Los Angeles Rabbi Yaacov Deyo in 1999, to help Jewish singles meet each other. It was based on a Jewish tradition of chaperoned gatherings of young Jewish singles and was intended as a way of keeping them from marrying outside the faith. The idea has since been embraced with such religious fervour around the world.
London recently held it's largest speed dating event, where nearly 1000 young singles showed up in the hope of meeting their match made in heaven in three minutes. In New York, according to Parfitt, over 25 per cent of bars host at least one speed dating night a week making it more common than trivia night. "It's got to the point where New Yorkers just do it. It's known to be a city for singles but now they have this new mechanism for it." And the ultimate testament to its coolness; speed dating was recently featured on the TV show, 'Sex and the City'.
Parfitt is bringing speed dating to New Zealand in a few weeks. After watching his agency's success spread from Sydney to Melbourne and Brisbane in just four months - he sees about 100 people a week in total - and with no known competition in New Zealand, he has decided, "the time is absolutely right for launching in Auckland."
His system is a little more complex than others. "We're completely unique in the world as far as we can tell," he says. "Most speed dating events are not subject to any criteria, pretty much anybody can come along, and usually it's only age groups that are distinguished. But we have introduced a second component, where we profile each guest prior to the event using two personality dimensions, 'extrovert' and 'anxiety'." An individual's psychological profile is determined by the responses they give to 12 questions designed to reveal that person's level of anxiety and "outgoing-ness".
"At the end of the day we've learned what kind of people mix best together and how they're going to get on. Imagine a society hostesses dream. That's what it is - a recipe for the perfect party." He boasts that while most speed dating agencies report 60 - 70 per cent of people will get a match, his agency has 89 per cent of people finding a match. "That means," he trumpets, "nearly nine in ten people at any one event."
Parfitt believes the success of speed dating lies in the fact that it doesn't have the same kind of desperation element that online dating has - you're not having to trawl through hundreds of personal ads. "It's basically just like a party, you turn up, it's a bit of a laugh, it's all people about the same age and similar dispositions, it's like a cocktail party. And at the end of it all you're unlucky if you haven't got a match and usually that's because people have been very picky."
*He neglects to distinguish the difference between those people exercising their pickiness by not ticking any names and those poor sods who've ticked every name on the list with no one having ticked theirs. Maybe next time eh?
So, who are the kinds of people speed dating? Parfitt's agency have limited their events to people aged 18-40, no dole loafers, please. "Successful, effective people that earn good money, have a good life, and have good friends. What they all have in common is, they are the sort of people who are willing to try something new. And they're coming back again and again and they're loving it."
Auckland University Professor of Psychology, Graham Vaughan, suggests speed dating is perhaps a recycled idea from back in the day of Gay Gordons dances and the likes. "The pattern is the same," he says. "A very simple one. Everyone is up on the dance floor with a partner, you do a little bit of a jig together for maybe 30 seconds or so, then you all change partners in sequence until you hopefully get all the way around the hall."
His opinion of this new-fangled speed dating? "At least you're sampling quite a number of people in a space of time. I can see the point of it. It's very practical."
Ah, but what about the competition? Liz Heart, relationship coach and owner of Adventure Date and Dinner for Six, doesn't think speed dating is such a good idea. "For one main reason, really. Human nature being what it is, when we're nervous we're on our worst behaviour. Most single people, if they have been single for a while, need to be coached to know that they are okay as their self-esteem has usually gone through a bit if tumble. So the most ideal situation is one where you would feel completely confident, safe and at ease. You would be lucky if you can do that in eight minutes."
Owner of dating agency Tables for Six, Beth Wright, echoes Heart's opinion. "I wonder if it might be too much of a pressured situation for people. I don't believe Kiwi's are confident enough to carry it off, particularly Kiwi guys."
True, often the only time a New Zealand male will approach a woman in a bar is if he is falling down drunk and trips up over her on his way to the toilet. Aside from this, things rarely progress forward from stolen glances, pinches on the bum and getting the glad eye every now and then. Charming.
But, says Parfitt, speed dating can be tailored to accommodate cultural differences. In Australia you meet ten people and have eight minutes with each, in New York you meet 15 people and have five minutes with each and in London, it's 30 people and three minutes with each. "I think basically these two variables depend on where you are and how laid back people are. Eight minutes works best in Australia and I think the same will be true of New Zealand because similarly it's a laid-back culture and much less frenetic. In comparison to New York and London I think the Australasian dating scene is a little bit nicer, a little less desperate."
Isn't it sad, though, that it has come to this? Love reduced to checklists and scorecards, practical and cost effective dating. "Well," says Parfitt, "whether we like the world we live in or not, whether we like the fact we are working harder, whether we like the fact more and more people are single, that's by the by, but given that's the way things are, speed dating addresses these problems society has in a very positive way."
